Whenever we lose a relationship—no matter how dysfunctional—there’s a sense of mourning. We grieve the lost hopes and dreams, and the future we’ll never have with this person. When you’re in the thick of the grieving process, it seems as if you will always feel despondent, even though you know on a rational level that you won’t.

 

Nobody dreams of getting married, only to end up in family court. Attorney's, police reports, allegations, expert testimony, sleepless nights and countless hours of your time, emotional energy and finances take a devastating toll on your mind, body and spirit.

Complicating matters is you can lose yourself in the process, and wonder how you'll ever be able to trust another person and find a meaningful relationship, post-divorce.

Worst of all, you have less time with your kids and your life is dictated by the court order.

 

"We repeat what we don't repair." —Christine Langley-Obaugh

 

There are no winners in family court. The good news is individual counseling can help you:

  • Heal from the trauma and toxicity of ending your high-conflict divorce
  • Recover peace of mind, improved sleep and emotional functioning
  • Learn to recognize your role in the breakdown of your relationship
  • Define your new identity as a single person and/or single parent
  • Identify proper boundaries around interpersonal relationships
  • Grieve the lost hopes, dreams and future with your ex
  • Develop improved self-esteem
  • Trust that love is possible again
  • Have hope for the future

 

Co-parenting Support

 

Parenting is the toughest job in the world. However, single parenting doesn’t have to be as hard as you think. Sometimes there’s a sense of relief that comes from relying on yourself, and from not trying to control your children's rules when they’re not in your physical custody.

 

Individual therapy or couples-counseling is offered (to those parents willing to put the contentiousness behind them, and commit to co-parent their children in the best manner possible). While I do not provide legal advice or child-custody mediation services, I can help you improve communication as a co-parent, and possibly avoid the stress and expense of additional court proceedings. After all, as a parent, you know your children best.

One of the privileges of helping adults move forward is witnessing their ability to recover from the family court process and reflect about the positive aspects of their relationship, prior to divorce. Tears are sometimes shed, and even a laugh, or two.

While every couple's situation is unique, and every court order is different, the primary goals regarding co-parenting—whether you participate in individual therapy—or come in as a couple, are to:

  • Minimize unhealthy contact with your ex
  • Establish firm boundaries around home, school, and communication
  • Avoid feeling sorry for your child
  • Vow to be calm, pleasant, and non-emotional
  • Teach and model social and emotional intelligence
  • Nurture your child’s unique qualities and independence
  • Refrain from criticizing your ex and his/her family, in front of your child
  • Stick to your parenting plan, regardless of what your ex may, or may not be doing

*For information on Co-parenting Consultation services for people living outside of the Los Angles, CA area, click here.

Treating high-conflict divorce and co-parenting are two areas where I am experienced and well-trained. This heart-breaking article I wrote for Psychology Today has been viewed over 550,000 times since February 2015. On average, it is read 675+ times daily, in The US, and beyond.

I have the utmost respect for adults who bravely endeavor therapy following divorce from a difficult or hostile ex. The work is hard and intense, no doubt. The good news is you and your children can thrive in the experienced and safe hands of a qualified psychotherapist.

I hope to help you on your journey to discover Your Plan B.